3 minute read
Happy Holidays! Seeing how everyone is fully in vacation mode already, this week’s Movie B-School won’t be about any one business lesson…or any lesson at all, really. Instead, we’re going to take a ride through Die Hard-land with someone (me) who has never seen it. What’s it about? Is it a cool movie? No one knows for sure, but I’m going to suss out the answers without watching a second of it. I’ve done a Google Image search for “Die Hard,” and will make assumptions off of that, to complement my pre-existing pop-culture knowledge. Search with me now. Let’s roll.
Bruce Willis likes small spaces.
Bruce Willis’ character, John McClane (I know this from existing in a world where men live and breathe), seems to enjoy crawling around in his tighty-whitey tank top with strategically placed “dirt.” I think he’s trying to get away from the bad guy with the stupid facial hair from Love Actually. I’m guessing he’s Hans McGruber. It should also be noted that Bruce Willis has hair in this movie.
Ho Ho Ho
Ohhh, the Christmas part of the film. Apparently, a popular image is a dead dude with “Now I have a machine gun Ho Ho Ho” written on his shirt in blood, I suppose. That’s pretty bad-ass. If you could choose any method to tell an opponent you have a machine gun, that’s the way to go. It looks like Hans is standing next to the body, so I’m going to assume that McClane has a machine gun now. Fight the powers that be, John.
I think John is a cop, and maybe he’s trying to save the curly-haired woman that’s being held for ransom by McGruber? And ooo! I spy Carl Winslow! He looks like he’s wearing a security guard uniform. I know the movie takes place in a skyscraper, so he’s probably the building’s security bro.
Just hanging out, NBD
There’s a picture of McClane on the outside of the building’s windows, very high up. This reminds me of Adventures in Babysitting. Now THAT is a great movie. Ain’t nobody leave this place without singing the blues. John is trying to get into the building from the outside, I guess? That seems dumb. Silly, handsome, dumb Bruce Willis. You can’t get in that way! Also, Bruce Willis appears to only have two expressions in this movie – 1) Angry, 2) “You take that back.”
So, I’m going to guess that it was Hans McGruber, with the Machine Gun, in the skyscraper. John tries to save Curly from Hans, and Carl Winslow assists John in taking the bad guys down. Is that correct? I think it’s right. Now if only I had been there to assist them with their 90’s-bachelor wardrobe. I forgot one other thing: Yipee-ki-yay, holiday-lovers!
About the Author
Stephanie Norell is the Marketing Director for North by Northwest’s Boise office. She loves horror movies and Pinterest, adores the classic film Xanadu, and “enjoys” disseminating her thoughts for trolls to discuss online.